how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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