I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
