i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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