I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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