i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
