i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
