Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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