I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
