Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
