3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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