I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
