possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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