Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
