i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
