What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
NoShamevember. You game?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
