Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
