hotel room ftw
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
