I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
