i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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