Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize