just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
