My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
