i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We are all done wearing pants today
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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