How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
