On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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