i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
In other news, I just burned my penis
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
