Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
