just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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