Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
