I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
