you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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