Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
