I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
