I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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