I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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