ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
