Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
