that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
