she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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