and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
