ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
