So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
