I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
