I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize