ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
