and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
