This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
