So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He kissed a someone with a penis
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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