Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
