Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize