You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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