Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
They have beer where we have blood.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
