I just saw a hot homeless man
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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