This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
