She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You dont lie about slip and slides
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
