i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
