my mouth tastes like poor choices
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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