Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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