Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
