Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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