I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
