don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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