It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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