I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
