Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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