Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
