Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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