saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
