i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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