I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
