hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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