Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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