Got a toothbrush?
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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