I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
