Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
