the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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