hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
