Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
