I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
